autism support

  • Your Pre-Thanksgiving Pep Talk: Managing Your Anxiety to Help Your Child

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    The Night Before our family gathering When I Couldn’t Sleep

    It’s 2 AM the night before our family gathering, and I’m lying awake running through worst-case scenarios in my head.

    What if Adrián or Guillermo has a meltdown in front of everyone?
    What if someone makes another comment about our parenting?
    What if I can’t keep it together and end up crying in the bathroom like last year?
    What if Guillermo refuses to eat anything?

    My chest feels tight. My mind is racing. And I know … I know… that if I show up, already frazzled and anxious, my boys will absorb that energy like sponges.

    Sound familiar?

    Here’s what I’ve learned the hard way: I cannot pour from an empty cup. And I definitely cannot create calm for my kids when I’m drowning in my own anxiety.

    This isn’t another blog post telling you to “just relax” or “enjoy the holidays!” (As if we hadn’t thought of that.) This is your permission slip to acknowledge that any family gathering …Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter… is legitimately hard when you’re parenting autistic kids here is a practical guide to managing your anxiety so you can actually show up for them.

    Because here’s the truth: your nervous system regulation is the foundation for theirs.

    Why Thanksgiving Anxiety Hits Different for Autism Parents

    Thanksgiving is around the corner so let’s talk about this family gathering.

    Let’s talk about what we’re actually dealing with.

    It’s not just “holiday stress.” It’s:

    The hypervigilance. You’re constantly scanning the environment, anticipating triggers, watching for early signs of overwhelm in your child. It’s exhausting.

    The judgment. Real or perceived, you feel eyes on you every time your child does something “different.” You brace for comments, questions, unsolicited advice.

    The guilt. You feel guilty for dreading a holiday. Guilty for not being able to give your child a “normal” Thanksgiving. Guilty for feeling relieved when it’s over.

    The isolation. Even surrounded by family and friends, you can feel completely alone because nobody seems to truly get what you’re managing.

    The weight of responsibility. You’re not just attending Thanksgiving, or a family gathering you’re orchestrating an entire support system to make it possible for your child to participate.

    Past years, I spent so much energy trying to make everything work that I didn’t actually enjoy a single moment of our gatherings. I was a tightly wound ball of anxiety from the moment we woke up until we finally got home and I could collapse.

    And you know who noticed? Luis, my husband. He later told me, “You seemed really stressed. That made me more stressed.”

    Ouch. But also, that’s when I realized something had to change.

    The Connection Between Your Anxiety and Theirs

    Here’s what I wish I’d understood sooner: autistic children are often highly attuned to other people’s emotions.

    Adrián and Guillermo can sense when I’m anxious, even when I think I’m hiding it well. My tension becomes their tension. My worry becomes their worry.

    It’s not their fault. Many autistic people experience hyper-empathy, they absorb the emotions around them like emotional sponges. (We actually wrote about this in our book Autism: My Invisible Backpack.)

    So when I’m anxious about Thanksgiving, Adrián and Guillermo picks up on that anxiety, even if they weren’t anxious to begin with. It compounds their own nervous system stress.

    This isn’t about being a perfect, never-stressed parent. (That doesn’t exist.)

    It’s about recognizing that managing my own regulation isn’t selfish… it’s one of the most important things I can do to support my kids.

    What My Anxiety Actually Looks Like (And Maybe Yours Too)

    Let me get vulnerable for a second, because I think we need to normalize what parental anxiety actually looks like during the holidays:

    Physical symptoms:

    • Tightness in my chest

    • Trouble sleeping the nights leading up to gatherings

    • Stomach issues (stress does a number on my digestion)

    • Tension headaches

    • Feeling jittery or on edge

    Mental patterns:

    • Catastrophizing (imagining every possible thing that could go wrong)

    • Replaying past difficult Thanksgivings on a loop

    • Obsessively planning and re-planning to try to control outcomes

    • Difficulty being present because I’m always three steps ahead

    Behavioral signs:

    • Snapping at Luis or the kids over small things

    • Over-explaining or over-justifying our kids’ needs to family

    • Avoiding making eye contact because I might cry

    • Wanting to cancel everything and stay home (even though that’s not always possible)

    If you’re reading this list thinking “Yes, that’s me” … you’re not alone. And you’re not failing. You’re a parent managing a genuinely challenging situation.

    The Strategies That Actually Help Me Regulate

    I’m not going to tell you to take a bubble bath or do yoga (though if those work for you, great!). These are the practical strategies that have actually helped me manage my anxiety during the holidays:

    1. The “20-Minute Morning Reset”

    Let’s take for example the gathering: Thanksgiving. That morning, before anyone else wakes up, I give myself 20 minutes.

    Sometimes it’s sitting with coffee in silence. Sometimes it’s journaling. Sometimes it’s literally just sitting on the bathroom floor doing deep breathing because that’s the only place I have privacy.

    The breathing technique that works for me:

    • Breathe in for 4 counts

    • Hold for 4 counts

    • Breathe out for 6 counts

    • Repeat 5 times

    That exhale being longer than the inhale tells your nervous system it’s safe to calm down.

    Those 20 minutes set the tone for my entire day. It’s the difference between starting from a place of depletion versus starting with at least some reserves. If 20 min sounds too long take what you can and feels right for you.

    2. The “Worst-Case Scenario” Reality Check

    When my anxiety spirals, Luis does this exercise with me:

    Him: “What’s the worst that could happen?”
    Me: “Adrián has a massive meltdown in front of everyone.”
    Him: “Okay. And if that happens, what will we do?”
    Me: “We’ll use our exit strategy. We’ll leave.”
    Him: “And then what?”
    Me: “We’ll go home. Adrián will regulate. We’ll eat leftovers. Everyone will survive.”
    Him: “Exactly. It’ll be uncomfortable, but manageable. You’ve handled worse.”

    Just walking through the actual worst-case scenario, not the catastrophized version in my head, but the real one, helps me see that even the worst outcome is survivable.

    3. The “Control What You Can” List

    Anxiety loves uncertainty. So I make a list of what I can control:

    Things I CAN control:

    ✓ What time we arrive
    ✓ What we bring for the boys to eat
    ✓ Our sensory survival kit
    ✓ How long we stay
    ✓ Having an exit strategy
    ✓ My responses to comments
    ✓ Whether I take breaks when I need them

    Things I CANNOT control:

    ✗ How relatives react
    ✗ Whether Adrián or Guillermo has a great day or a hard day
    ✗ What other people think
    ✗ The noise level or chaos
    ✗ Whether people “get it”

    Seeing it written out helps me redirect my mental energy to the things that are actually within my power.

    4. The “Permission Slip Practice”

    I literally write myself permission slips. It sounds silly, but it works.

    “I give myself permission to leave early if needed.”
    “I give myself permission to not explain or defend my parenting choices.”
    “I give myself permission to feel however I feel about this day.”
    “I give myself permission to prioritize my kids’ well-being over others’ expectations.”

    Reading these before we leave helps me remember that I’m allowed to set boundaries, even on holidays.

    5. The “Co-Regulation Buddy System”

    Luis and I have a system. If one of us is getting overwhelmed, we have code words:

    “I need a minute” = I’m reaching my limit, can you take over for a bit?
    “Temperature check?” = How are we all doing? Should we think about wrapping up?
    “I need backup” = Someone’s making comments and I need you to intervene

    Just knowing I’m not handling this alone makes such a difference.

    Because guess what?! I´m Autistic too so I’m like the sum of my own sensory things and also parenting! – Luckily Luis helps us in so many ways!

    Creating a Calm Environment (For You AND Your Kids)

    Here’s what I’ve learned about creating calm: it starts with me being calm. Or at least, calmer.

    Lower Your Expectations

    This was the hardest thing for me to accept: Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be perfect, magical, or even particularly fun.

    The goal is: everyone gets through the day without complete overwhelm.

    That’s it. That’s the bar.

    If we manage that? Success.

    If someone actually enjoys parts of it? Bonus.

    Simplify Everything

    We used to try to do it all: multiple gatherings, elaborate dishes, staying for hours.

    Now? We do less. Way less.

    • We attend one gathering

    • We bring simple foods we know work

    • We arrive late and leave early

    • We skip traditions that don’t serve our family

    And you know what? The holidays got so much better when we stopped trying to do them the “right” way.

    Build in Breaks (For Everyone)

    Every hour, we check in as a family. Sometimes just Luis and I step outside for three minutes of fresh air. Sometimes Adrián retreats to the quiet room. Sometimes Guille needs to run around outside. Sometimes me and the boys go and just sit together, (I have to “check” the kids)

    These breaks aren’t failures, they’re maintenance. They’re how we make it through.

    What to Do When Relatives Don’t Understand

    Chatting with my fellow Autism Moms I realized, that I am lucky that our closest family members and Friends are very interested in learning about Autism but for many families this is not the case. And this is the part that can trigger so much of my anxiety: dealing with family members who don’t get it.

    The Comments That Sting

    “He seems fine to me. Are you sure he’s really autistic?”
    “You just need to be more firm with him.”
    “Back in my day, we didn’t have all these labels.”
    “Maybe if you didn’t cater to him so much…”

    Some of these has been said to me. And every single one made me want to scream, cry, or leave immediately.

    The Responses That Work

    I used to over-explain, trying to educate everyone. Now I keep it simple:

    “We’ve got this handled, thanks.”
    “His doctors and therapists are really happy with his progress.”
    “We appreciate your concern, but we’re following professional guidance.”
    “This isn’t up for discussion.”

    Said warmly but firmly. Then change the subject or walk away.

    You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t have to justify your parenting. You don’t have to convince them.

    When to Use Your Exit Strategy

    If someone is repeatedly:

    • Criticizing your parenting

    • Making your child uncomfortable

    • Ignoring boundaries you’ve set

    • Creating more stress than the visit is worth

    Leave. You have permission to leave.

    Protecting your family’s wellbeing is more important than avoiding awkwardness.

    Taking Care of Yourself After Thanksgiving

    Here’s something nobody talks about: the aftermath.

    Even if Thanksgiving goes okay, you’re probably exhausted. Depleted. Running on fumes.

    What helps me recover:

    The day after, we have NOTHING scheduled. Nothing. We stay in pajamas, eat leftovers, watch movies. It’s sacred recovery time.

    I check in with Luis. “How are you doing? What do you need?” Because he’s usually depleted too.

    I don’t process everything immediately. There’s time later to debrief what worked and what didn’t. Right after? I just rest.

    I’m gentle with myself. If I didn’t handle something perfectly, if I got snappy or emotional—that’s okay. I’m human. I was doing my best in a hard situation.

    A Pep Talk for Right Now

    If you’re reading this in the lead-up to Thanksgiving, feeling that familiar dread building:

    You are not overreacting. This is genuinely hard. Anyone who says otherwise hasn’t walked in your shoes.

    You are doing an incredible job. The fact that you’re here, reading this, trying to prepare—that shows how much you care.

    Your anxiety is understandable. You’re not broken. You’re responding normally to a challenging situation.

    Your kids are lucky to have you. Someone who advocates for them, prepares for their needs, and manages their own regulation so they can show up.

    It’s okay if it’s not perfect. Actually, it’s okay if it’s kind of a mess. What matters is that you tried, you cared, and you kept your family safe.

    You can do hard things. You’ve done them before. You’ll do them again. And you don’t have to do them alone.

    Resources for Your Journey

    If you’re looking for more support managing holiday stress and anxiety, here’s what has genuinely helped our family:

    📚 Autism: My Invisible Backpack – This book explores emotional overload and hyper-empathy, understanding how our kids absorb our emotions helped me see why managing my anxiety matters so much.

    📚 Autism: Calming the Chaos – The regulation strategies in this book work for kids AND adults. Many parents have told us they use these techniques themselves.

    And we’ve created FREE downloadable resources.

    Take care of yourself. Not because you’re selfish, but because your wellbeing matters, both for you and for the people you love.

    You’ve got this. And on the days when you don’t feel like you’ve got this? That’s okay too. We’re all just doing our best.

    With solidarity and understanding,
    Dalisse (& Luis)
    Loving Pieces Books

    💙 How do you manage your own anxiety during the holidays? What helps you stay regulated when things get overwhelming? Share with our community—we’re all learning together. Find us on Instagram @lovingpiecesbooks or explore more resources at lovingpiecesbooks.com.

    With anxiety under control, you can now focus on practical ways to make your family gatherings more enjoyable and supportive.

  • When the World Feels Too Loud: Understanding Sensory Processing Differences in Autism

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    You know that feeling when you walk into a crowded mall during the holidays? The fluorescent lights buzzing overhead, a cacophony of voices bouncing off the walls, the overwhelming smell of cinnamon pretzels mixing with department store perfume?

    Now imagine feeling that way in a regular grocery store. Or your own kitchen. Or sitting in a classroom.

    This is the reality for many autistic children navigating sensory processing differences, and if you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re searching for answers because someone you love is struggling with a world that just feels… too much.

    I see you. And I’m here to walk alongside you on this journey.

    The Day Everything Made Sense

    Let me tell you about Emma (not her real name), a little girl whose mom reached out to me last year, exhausted and confused. Emma would have complete meltdowns at birthday parties. She refused to wear anything but one specific pair of pajamas. And grocery shopping? Forget about it.

    “Everyone thinks I’m just a bad parent who can’t control her child,” her mom told me, tears in her eyes. “But I know something else is going on.”

    She was right. And once we started unpacking Emma’s sensory processing differences, everything shifted, not because Emma changed, but because the adults around her finally understood what she’d been trying to communicate all along.

    What’s Really Happening: Sensory Processing Decoded

    Here’s the thing about sensory processing, we all experience it, but for autistic children, the volume knob is turned way up (or sometimes way down) on one or more of their senses.

    Think of your brain as a filter. For most neurotypical people, that filter sorts through sensory information efficiently: “This is important. This can be ignored. This is background noise.” But for many autistic children, that filter works differently. Every sensation demands equal attention.

    Research from occupational therapy studies shows that 60-90% of autistic children experience some form of sensory processing difference. This isn’t just being “picky” or “difficult”, this is their neurological reality.

    What This Actually Looks Like

    When I talk to parents, I often hear:

    “She can’t stand the seams in her socks.”

    “He covers his ears every time the blender runs.”

    “Bright lights make her anxious and irritable.”

    “He won’t eat anything except three specific foods.”

    These aren’t behavioral issues, they’re sensory experiences that feel genuinely uncomfortable or even painful. Imagine wearing a wool sweater on bare skin all day, or listening to nails on a chalkboard during every conversation. That’s the level of distress some sensory inputs can cause.

    And here’s what breaks my heart: many of these children can’t articulate what’s wrong. They just know something feels bad, and their bodies react with meltdowns, shutdowns, or avoidance.

    The Grocery Store Story (And Why It Matters)

    Remember Emma? Her grocery store meltdowns made perfect sense once we understood her sensory world.

    The fluorescent lights flickered at a frequency most of us don’t consciously notice, but Emma did, and it felt like a strobe light. The refrigerator hum was painful to her ears. The smells from the bakery, seafood counter, and produce section all hit her at once. Strangers’ carts rattled. Someone’s perfume was overpowering.

    She wasn’t being “difficult.” She was drowning in sensory input while trying to hold it together.

    Once her mom understood this, they started shopping at opening time when it was quieter, Emma wore noise-canceling headphones, and they kept trips short with a clear plan. The meltdowns didn’t disappear overnight, but they became less frequent and less intense. Things that we have used with our son’s many times and we could share these strategies with Emma’s mom.

    Because understanding changed everything.

    Practical Strategies That Actually Help

    Okay, so now you understand the why. Let’s talk about the what now.

    Start With Detective Work

    You can’t support your child’s sensory needs until you understand what those needs are. I know … easier said than done when your child is pre-verbal or can’t explain what’s bothering them (My youngest Guillermo now is in this stage).

    Try keeping a simple sensory journal for a week. When does your child seem distressed? What’s happening in the environment? What do they gravitate toward when they need comfort?

    You might notice patterns: meltdowns always happen after noisy environments, or your child seeks out tight spaces when overwhelmed, or certain clothing textures are consistently rejected.

    Create a “Yes Space”

    This is my favorite strategy, and I’ve seen it work wonders. Designate one area in your home as a sensory-safe zone, I call it a “yes space” because everything in it is a YES for your child’s sensory system.

    For us, this meant:

    When our son felt overwhelmed, he knew he could retreat there. No questions asked. No punishment. Just safety. We have this set in our play area.

    Sensory Breaks Are Not Optional

    I know you’re busy. I know schedules are tight. But here’s the truth: sensory breaks aren’t a luxury, they’re a necessity.

    Think of it like this: if you were running a marathon, you wouldn’t skip water stations. Your child is running a sensory marathon every single day just existing in a world that’s not designed for their nervous system.

    Build in short sensory breaks throughout the day:

    • 10 minutes of jumping on a trampoline

    • Playing with kinetic sand or play dough

    • Swinging

    • Pushing against a wall

    • Deep pressure activities (like a “sandwich hug” with pillows)

    These aren’t just nice activities, they’re regulatory tools that help your child’s nervous system reset. Here are some of the products we use at home: https://lovingpiecesbooks.com/authors-picks/

    The Headphones That Changed Everything

    Can I share something vulnerable? I resisted getting my kids noise-canceling headphones for way too long because I worried about what other people would think. Would it make him stand out? Would people judge?

    But you know what? The first time he wore them to his cousins play at her school he actually enjoyed the play instead of melting down, I realized my own discomfort was standing in the way of his comfort.

    If noise is a trigger for your child, invest in good noise-canceling headphones. Let them wear them whenever they need to. This is accommodation, not avoidance. Here are some choices: https://lovingpiecesbooks.com/ear-defenders-ear-plugs/

    Work With, Not Against

    Here’s where I see parents (including myself, in my work) struggle: we try to “fix” sensory sensitivities instead of working with them.

    Your child may never love loud environments. They may always prefer certain textures. And that’s okay.

    Instead of forcing them to “get used to” things that cause genuine distress, we can:

    • Prepare them for sensory challenges ahead of time

    • Offer choices and control where possible

    • Respect their “no” about sensory inputs

    • Celebrate their courage when they try something challenging

    Building a Village That Gets It

    One of the loneliest parts of parenting an autistic child can be feeling like you’re constantly explaining, defending, or justifying your child’s needs.

    Talk to the Teachers

    I know it’s hard to be an advocate when you’re exhausted. But educators genuinely want to help, they just need to understand what your child needs.

    Share specific information: For example: “Mia does better with flexible seating because sitting still at a hard desk is physically uncomfortable for her sensory system.” This is more helpful than “She can’t sit still.”

    Ask about simple accommodations:

    • Can your child use a wobble cushion or standing desk?

    • Is there a quiet space they can use when overwhelmed?

    • Can they have a fidget toy during instruction time?

    Many teachers are willing to make these adjustments, they just need to understand why they matter.

    Educate Your Circle

    I’ll be honest: some people won’t get it. They’ll think you’re “making excuses” or “being too soft.”

    But many people like grandparents, friends, babysitters, genuinely want to understand and support your child. They just don’t have the language or knowledge.

    Share articles (like this one!). Explain specific triggers. Give them concrete ways to help.

    When my friend explained to her mother-in-law that her grandson’s refusal to hug wasn’t personal, it was sensory, their relationship transformed. Grandma started asking, “Would you like a high-five or a wave?” instead of forcing hugs. And you know what? Eventually, he started initiating hugs on his terms.

    Empathy and Autism Parenting

    What I Wish Someone Had Told Me

    You don’t have to get this perfect. You’re going to have days where you forget the headphones, or you push too hard, or you’re so exhausted you can’t muster the patience you wish you had.

    That doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human.

    What matters is that you’re here, reading this, trying to understand. That you’re committed to seeing your child’s sensory needs as real and valid. That you’re willing to make your home, your routines, and your expectations more flexible to accommodate their nervous system.

    That’s love in action.

    Small Steps, Big Impact

    If you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, here’s what I want you to do:

    Pick just one thing from this article. Maybe it’s creating a calm corner. Maybe it’s buying those noise-canceling headphones you’ve been considering. Maybe it’s just noticing your child’s sensory patterns this week without trying to fix anything.

    Start there.

    Because here’s the beautiful truth: when we make space for our children’s sensory needs, we’re not just reducing meltdowns (though that’s a nice side effect). We’re sending them a powerful message:

    Your experience of the world is valid. Your needs matter. You don’t have to change who you are to deserve support.

    Resources for Your Journey

    Understanding sensory processing differences is just the beginning. If you’re looking for more support, I’ve gathered resources that have genuinely helped the families I learned with:

    📚 Autism: Calming the Chaos by us Loving Pieces Books is the book that can open your eyes to sensory processing. It’s comprehensive yet accessible, perfect for kids to visually understand what sensory overload may look like and even though it’s a children’s book, parents can benefit from it specially if you are just starting to understand these differences.

    And of course, I’ve created FREE sensory strategy guides and printables on Loving Pieces Books that you can download today, visual schedules, sensory break ideas, and accommodation request templates.

    Your child’s sensory world may be different from yours, but it’s not wrong. It’s not something to fix or overcome. It’s simply how they experience life, and when we honor that, we create space for them to thrive as their authentic selves.

    You’re doing an amazing job navigating this journey. Keep going. Keep learning. Keep advocating.

    And remember: you’re not alone in this.

    With hope and solidarity,
    Dalisse
    Loving Pieces Books

    💙 What sensory strategy has been most helpful for your family? I’d love to hear your story, share in the comments below or connect with our community on Instagram @lovingpiecesbooks.

    Check out our books and FREE Resources