Last week, the news here in Catalonia was heavy. A twelve-year-old autistic boy went missing from his home in Granollers during a thunderstorm. He had fled the house, frightened by the storm. Ten days later, his body was found on a beach in Sitges.
I want to start by saying to his family. We are so sorry. All of us. The autism community in Catalonia and far beyond held you in our hearts for ten long days, and we are still holding you now.
The ten days
While the search was happening, my phone would not stop pinging. The autism community here in Catalonia got together within hours. People I had never met were sharing his photo. People were asking in group chats, have you seen this boy, have you seen this boy, where was he last. Volunteers were going out organized by the local firehouse. Local parents were walking the areas he might have crossed. We were all one wide net of autism families trying to help bring someone else’s child home.
That is the part of the story I want people to know. Our community moves. Fast and with love. A missing autistic child is not just that family’s crisis. It is ours too.
The storm
The night he left home, there was a huge thunderstorm. Not a small one. The kind of storm where our own house in Barcelona shook and the lights flickered.
For an autistic child with sensory sensitivities, a storm like that can be unbearable. Imagine your nervous system already running loud, and then the sky itself turns into noise and light. Your home does not feel safe. Nothing feels safe. The instinct to flee is real.
I am not going to pretend to know exactly what happened to him. I did not know him. But I know enough autistic kids, and I live with two of my own, to know what overwhelm can do.
The comments
I read a lot of the comments under the news. Most were full of love. Hearts, condolences, families saying they were praying for his safe return. Many were educational, trying to tell people that autistic children have a known pull toward water. That autistic children can elope when they are overwhelmed.
Then there were other comments. Where was the mother. Why did the boy escape. Something is wrong with this story. There is something they are not telling us.
I understand those comments more than I wish I did. Not because they are right, but because I know where they come from.
If you have never lived with an autistic child who elopes, you cannot imagine what it is like. You cannot imagine installing extra locks on your own front door, locks that are turned the wrong way around so they can only be opened from the outside. You cannot imagine the way your heart stops every time you cannot see your child for ten seconds in your own home. You cannot imagine sleeping with one ear open your whole life.
My kids have a tendency to run when overwhelmed. We have taken measures I never thought I would take as a parent. And still, I know in my bones that one bad night, one open door, one storm, could be our story too.
What I need people to understand
Autism in our family and in that family in Granollers looks like constant vigilance. It is not neglect that leads to a child disappearing. It is the opposite. It is the exhaustion of parents who have been watching their child so closely for so long that the one moment they look away becomes the moment everything changes.
If you have ever typed a judgmental comment under a story about a missing autistic child, please read this. We are already doing everything. We are already afraid. We do not need you to look at us from the outside and decide what we should have done. If you don’t have something nice to say, please don’t.
The thing I want other autism parents to hear
Teach your child to swim. Early. Even if they do not love the water. Even if lessons are hard. Even if it takes years.
Autistic children are drawn to water. The statistics on drownings in our community are heartbreaking because they are so avoidable. Swimming lessons, from as young as you can start them, are one of the most important investments you will ever make in your child’s life. Both of my sons started early. Guillermo is in the pool every week, and still does not know how to swim very well. It is not a hobby. It is a safety plan.
For the family in Granollers
I do not know you. I will probably never meet you. But I have been thinking about you every day since the news came. Your boy is remembered. Your boy is being carried in a lot of hearts right now, more than you will ever get to see.
To the autism community here in Catalonia and everywhere. I am so proud of how we moved. And I am so sorry that we did not get the ending we were all praying for.
Please, when you talk about this story at your dinner table, lead with love. The people in the news comment sections are listening too, and some of them are autism parents who are reading every word and wondering if the world would blame them next.
I will be thinking about this family for a long time.
With love,
Dalisse